How to Put Children First In The Event of Divorce

While the statistics vary from one year to the next, on average there is a 50 percent chance that a couple getting married today will wind up getting divorced. Although the rate may be dropping a little according to research for 2009 say due to bad economy, still one in two chance of marriage failure exists. That is not a very optimistic way to start a new life together. Finances, cheating, sex, and other problems, including boredom, are most responsible for pulling apart couples.

Marriage breaking is too stressful for any couple but the most affected are the children. When there are children involved, the primary focus should be on the kids and helping them cope with the situation. If husband and wife are unable or unwilling to work things out – either together, or through third party counseling – and divorce is inevitable, they need to pull together and make a pact that the kids will come first. Children are very perceptive and can sense when there is tension, but they are also quick to conclude that their parents’ problems are their fault. They may experience an array of feelings, including guilt, grief, sadness, isolation, anger and depression, not to mention fears of abandonment, thinking that one or both parents will leave them, too.

So what can you do to help you children settle in and feel safe during this stressful point in their lives? First, you keep the lines of communication open, and make sure they know that what is happening is not their fault. You can use words or communicate otherwise and calm them and make them feel safe and normal. You should let them know that even they are undergoing life-changes, everything will end up okay. Tell them you love them and spend as much time with them as possible, sharing hugs, activities and even TV time.

You also need to let them express themselves and their sadness or confusion. There are things you can engage a child in in order to get them to open up. Various creative forms, such as drawing, arts and crafts, dance, music and creative writing along with sports will offer an opportunity for children to translate their inner thoughts into a different outlet. There may be advantages to the children receiving counseling also.

Everybody wants to accomplish all things, for that one needs stability and fixed routine,then only one lives properly as one wants to be satisfied. Although either parent may no longer be living in the house, it is important to try to establish an established routine with the future ex-spouse that will be regular and predictable. You can chalk-out a program this way- you shall have pizzas with your kids, all Thursday nights. {This will give them something to look forward to and count on.} Once daddy starts helping in math homework, it should continue even through phone and web connection.

A divorce can bring out the side of someone you’ve never seen before. Don’t allow this to occur with you and your partner, particularly if you have kids. Although there may have been egregious transgressions on the part of one spouse, avoid playing the blame game, especially in front of the children. Even though your relationship has failed, remember that you are parents first, and it is your responsibility to provide protection for them from the fallout of that relationship.

Finally, the most important thing to remember – and you can’t stress it often enough – is to reassure your children that they are loved! It is vital that they understand that their parents both will always love them, regardless of how they feel about each other. In order to have an amicable divorce the couple should give their children all of the love they once had for each other.

If you’d like more information, you can learn about my practice as an divorce lawyer in Austin. You can also request our Austin TX Divorce Guide Audio CD at TruslerLegal.com. If you need more specific information, you can take a look at our FAQ’s about divorce in Austin TX.

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