Love Advice On Painful Relationships

Everyone knows the pain of not being in a relationship. We feel like something is missing. We feel the need for a mate. Sure, were okay on our own, but we are hardwired for a significant other. Sometimes the pain of not having someone is palpable, it physically and emotionally just hurts. Other times it is milder, just a background feeling of loss.

So when we find a partner we feel great. The pain goes away. We feel complete, we feel loved and loving, it’s all great. We are in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, where everything is marvelous. The pain we felt of being alone has disappeared.

Then something interesting happens as we leave the honeymoon phase of the relationship. As we move into the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase, where we start to get back to our own interests and goals and separate from our mate some, some pain returns. The second phase is about having a partner and having a life, balancing relationship with the other drives of life.

In this phase, we usually still feel love for our partner, but we start to notice issues. Perhaps they start to seem too needy or clingy. Or conversely they may seem too distant or like they need too much space.

Here’s something nobody ever told us. Sure, there’s pain in not having a partner, but there is also pain in being in a relationship. And none of us can escape it, there is some pain in just being in a relationship!

Because the honeymoon phase is so fulfilling, we all tend to think our whole relationship should feel that way. But it can’t and it won’t. There is more to life than finding a mate. There are other journey’s we must take. Your intimate relationship was never meant to be the source of all your happiness.

So understand this insight: there will be pain in your relationship. It might be light pain, like wondering if your mate truly loves you anymore, or it may be sharp pain, like fighting and arguing. It might be a low ache, like feeling lonely inside your relationship, or a harsh slap, like feeling rejected by your partner.

To start with, understand that pain comes with any intimate relationship. If you are feeling the pain of loneliness or the pang of worrying about your choice in mate, it’s all right. No need to run. No need to go have an affair or end your relationship. Because another relationship will have pain too.

And another thing to understand is that you can let the pains that arise in your relationship lead you to greater understanding. You can stay in the relationship and usually work through the painful experiences. And you can both continue to mature and grow inside the pains and joys of having a partnership.

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